Blog Challege: Day 11.

React to This: Letting Go

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Hopes and Dreams for 2015.

A new year is upon us! Isn't it a strange feeling to have a completely clean slate? It's like we can't mess anything up. We can be anyone we want to be. You can start anything new. This year I was trying to be less predictable with my resolutions. Everyone wants to lose weight, try new things, eat healthier, write 'thank you' notes. Some people see that as much too typical, predictable, a waste of a resolution. However, isn't part of a resolution to do better than you did before?

So with that, I wanted to share my hopes and dreams for this year.

Church: I would like to go to church 40 Sundays this year.

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Recently I have started going to a church in my community. I was introduced to this church by a friend of mine at work, she had been wanting to go there since she moved to Portland from the Mid-West. So I told her I would go with her to try it out. It has been a wonderful experience. It hits all the points that I have always felt my perfect church would hit.

I get excited to go every week, I am so moved each week when we go, and the music at this church. I wish I could put it into words how moving the music is. It feels like the the spirit is within me. I just can't wait to feel that way each week. The more I go, the more I feel closer to God.

I know not everyone is religious, spiritual, but it isn't something I want to shy away from. This is a new part about me that I am exploring and growing in. This will be a great year to get into the new swing of things and the new church. I am also exploring the possibility of a small group through the church.

Learning: I want to begin taking American Sign Language.

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I have always been fascinated by Sign Language. When I was in 7th grade, there was a deaf boy in my science class. I didn't ever pay attention to the teacher because I was much too busy watching the interpreter sign the class for the boy. Also, in college, I had several classes with a deaf woman, and again, I couldn't watch the professor because I was so taken with the interpreter. Their hands move beautifully and its just amazing to watch. Communicating without using words seems so wonderful. This year, I am going to start taking it and I will see how it goes. I am so thrilled!

Self-Love: Wash my face every night before bed, brush my teeth after lunch (morning and night too), and take care of my nails.

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Just some little things that make me feel so much better. They take no extra time, yet they add so much to your sense of self. I know not everyone does their nails, but it can be something else too. Taking a bath to relax, putting luxurious lotion on after a shower, getting your eye brows waxed, buying new socks. Anything that takes care of you.

This could also be your soul: journaling, praying, reading more, taking evening walks, yoga in the morning, coffee dates with a friend once a week, an afternoon nap on Sundays. It doesn't have to be anything superficial, or anything that must be done to improve your appearance. Just anything that you are doing to better yourself, to open yourself up to the Universe, and just become one with yourself.

Diabetes: Take my Lantus every night.

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I want to get better at taking my long acting insulin. It isn't hard to take it, it helps me feel so much better, helps my numbers, and continues my journey to a healthy life with Diabetes.

And though it isn't hard, it is something I forget to do more regularly that I would like. So! To start off, I have set an alarm on my phone for 9:00pm. That is when I take my long acting Lantus insulin. That way, I don't forget. {This also helps me remember to stop eating after 9:00pm. If I am taking my insulin and correcting before bed, then I can't eat anything else, and it isn't good to eat late since I go to bed early anyway.}

Those are my big ones and I think they are things that I want to concentrate on. Vague and specific, these things will continue the betterment of myself.

My Type 1 Diabetes Breakdown.

I wanted to write a post about this because I am working on my journey, and it is something that will make it more of a challenge for me.

I don't want this to be a medical post, but more emotional and personal.

I was diagnosed with Diabetes on October 25, 2012. I had been feeling physically terrible and emotionally drained. I thought it was just because of some emotional hardships I was dealing with. I couldn't go an entire day without a two-hour nap, and resting or laying down most of the day. I was really sad and hard on myself because I didn't know what my problem was! I couldn't figure out my energy levels and what was making me feel so low. It was hard on my heart and self-esteem.

Looking back on it, I think I was struggling and fighting the battle with Diabetes for a few years before I was actually diagnosed. I was always thirsty and always using the bathroom, I was eating anything, and everything I wanted and maintaining my weight, my ankles were swelling, and when I got sick, I was sick for weeks! It all seemed, to me, to be a coincidence. I went to my family doctor and even saw a specialist for my ankles and I just couldn't get an answer. I was told that it was my age, the ankle swelling was lack of circulation.

So I suffered, and suffered. Well, in October, it got really bad. I was sick and sad and felt like I was slowing losing myself and my health. So I found a doctor in my area, a holistic doctor that had beautiful reviews. She was amazing on paper, I was sold, so I called and made an appointment.

The second I got there I felt better already. They took me back, the nurse had purple hair and tattoos! So the doctor came in and gave me a hug. Done. It was the best I had felt at a doctor in a long time. So she had my blood drawn, we talked about all my other problems and if I was struggling with anything else. Personal, medical, psychological, she wanted me to open up about everything so she could get a sense of me as a whole. I felt so good about going there and speaking to her and I almost felt healed when I left. She hugged me again and I cried knowing I had a doctor who wanted to know what was wrong as much as I did.

The next morning when they got the test results back from my blood, they called me right away and explained that there were some inconsistencies. So I walked over (Yes! I lived close enough to walk!) and they told me that they believed I was diabetic. My blood sugar was 346 (and at the time of the blood draw, I hadn't eaten since the night before)! I had an appointment with an Endocrinologist three days later, and I started the long journey of learning about insulin and carbs, sugars, and proteins. I have gone to see several endocronologists since diagnosis, and I struggle to find one that I like. This is still such an emotional journey for me, I know there are so many things that can go wrong, and it makes it overwhelming.

Now, I think I should get a little medical for a moment so this is better understood. Type I Diabetes is when your body, specifically your pancreas, doesn't produce any insulin at all. Some people are born with this, some people develop it over time, and some people are fine one day and not the next. It all depends. So many factors go into it. I developed it later than most. The older term is "Childhood Diabetes". This differs from Type II Diabetes, which happens later in life and is due to diet and food choices over time. It causes your pancreas to produce insulin irregularly, or only partially enough. Type II Diabetes can be reversed, and Type I Diabetes cannot.

As for blood sugar numbers. Normal people are between 70-120 when fasting, or haven't had anything to eat, and up to 180 when they have eaten. And that is what my blood sugar should be too. However, it takes a little more work than just my body. I have to inject myself four times a day, usually. Sometimes more, if my blood sugar is super high, or if I eat more than three times a day. That's all. The fourth injection is "long acting insulin". That is a different kind of insulin and partners with the short acting insulin to keep my blood sugars stable. Lows are bad, highs are bad, but like anything, it all takes a while to figure out and understand.

Since my diagnosis, I have gone through several stages of grief. It is hard to decide if I am glad that I got it later in life, or I wished I had gotten it sooner so it wouldn't all be so overwhelming. The grass is never greener on the other side. It may seem that way until you get there. 

I am learning every day about my internal struggles with it and gaining knowledge about my own body, how I react to foods, how my numbers change.

There is no secret to the fact that I am more mad than anything that I was cursed with this. I just know that I can either use it as a way to get myself healthy in all aspects, or I can use it as an excuse. I make it a mountain, or I can make it a speed bump. Part of this new year is learning more about my diabetes and focusing on that, rather than all the bad that is comes with. Quite honestly, if I am trying to be objective, it is hard, but it isn't the worst thing. There are so many things that people have to deal with Diabetes seems to be right in the middle: plenty of things in life are better to deal with than T1D, but there is a giant list of things that are so much worse than it too.

I am reclaiming my body, I am hoping to unearth some things about myself, and who knows! This could open doors for me within in the Diabetic community. Maybe this is actually a blessing to use to help everyone else? God works in mysterious ways.

If you have any questions or I need to clarify anything, let me know! I know this is a lot to throw at you. But I thought it was pertinent! I talk about it often, and its very much something I deal with and struggle with every day.

Blog Challenge: Day 10.

Dinner Party Wish List (Anyone dead, alive or fictional )

Marilyn Monroe

Merna Loy

Josh Groban

John Krasinski

Zac Brown

Gerard Butler

Gregory Peck

Emma Stone

Drew Barrymore

Mandy Moore

Kristen Bell

Dax Shepard

Jimmy Fallon

Jim Parsons

Ellen Degeneres

Portia de Rossi

Blog Challenge: Day 9.

Tell Us About An Interesting Documentary You Have Watched.

My dad is a huge sports person. He has one or two teams from every sport that he will never stray away from. He  has loved some team from the time he was a young kid. One of these teams is the NHL Philadelphia Flyers.  He bought a Flyers onesie for me when I was a baby. That shows how much he loves them.

One afternoon I wasn't feeling too well, so I went down and my dad was watching TV. It seemed interesting enough, so I watched with his. I came in when it was about half over, but he was watching a documentary on the Philadelphia flyers. It is called The Broad Street Bullies and it talks about the early years of the Flyers. It goes into detail about the team "from their beginnings as an expansion team in 1967, to their back-to-back Stanley Cup championships (1974, 1975), and three straight Finals appearances (1974–76)." (Quoted from the Broad Street Bullies Wikipedia page.

It was an amazing documentary that speaks about the struggles and the following this team had from their home city. They were the underdogs, they are rough around the edges, and they wanted to win. They gave their city hope and a team to cheer for. It was such an inspirational story to watch! I found myself crying in the end because of the sheer power this team had on its city.

I shared some special time with my dad, and he patiently answered all my questions. It was nice to enjoy something so much that I knew my dad was also enjoying. It made it so much better.

"In any great drama, you need heroes and villains. The Flyers were both."

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Blog Challenge: Day 8.

Discuss Something You Have Read Online & Link to It!

21 Lost Gentleman Traditions that Still Apply Today  was a blog post that I found when I was 'surfing the net' (that sounds so old school, but the term is quite accurate). It sounded interesting, and another thing that I could casually send to my boyfriend, just as a nudge in the right direction. 

Once I began reading though, I realized that this isn't something that should be limited to men that are in relationships. It goes for young men out to dinner with their mother, fathers having an outing with their daughters, grandfathers spending quality time with grandchildren, mutual friends working on a school project. It is a great list of universal courtesies that most women find flattering.

I know there is a lot of movements out there that think this type of thing is so degrading to women, it shows that they are less than men, that they need to be taken care of by a man, that its setting the women's movement back. However, I don't believe that is what these truths are getting at. It's more of a push towards mutual respect. That a man is willing to rise when a woman comes to a table is a sign of respect, holding the door open for a woman, or anyone for that matter, is a sign of respect.

The one that stood out to me was the care of a woman's safety by walking them to their car or door. Women's greatest source of fear is men. That could also stir a lot of controversy, however, I know for myself that walking alone at night, I am not scared of a dog, another woman, or traffic, but rather I get the uneasy feeling in my stomach from the thought of being abducted by a man.

Putting all that aside though, I know that I am always appreciative of the little things! And having a man open my car door for me because he wants to is a gesture that goes a long way. 

However, as I was reading this, I realized that this is a list of things that can be taken throughout any relationship. Women with women, men with men, parents with children, friends, coworkers. It offers a mutual line of respect when you can put other people above yourself in these small ways.

I am more of a traditional gal, but that doesn't mean I expect all these things every time. I just know that when my father, brother, or boyfriend takes initiative, I notice and I greatly appreciate it.

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Blog Challenge: Day 7.

Five Recommended Reads (blogs, books, websites, etc.)

1.House of Rose is a blog that I recently started following. It was something that I stumbled across, searching from one blog to another. Similar to when you get stuck in YouTube and go from funny cat videos to how you use sand to clean your tires. I digress. I stumbled up her blog and I couldn't be more thankful that I did. She is an amazing woman and mom who writes in a way that is so relate-able. She is honest and humble with her daily struggles with motherhood and marriage. I instantly felt like I knew her when I started reading, and have been reading ever since.

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2. Room by Emma Donoghue is a book written from the perspective of a five year-old boy who lives in a room. He lives there with his mother and has never known anything else. This book is so different from any books that I have ever read, and when it was recommended to me I was hesitant. However, after reading just the first couple chapters, I was excited to continue. I was engrossed in the language that the author uses. This a heart wrenching book with some SERIOUSLY tough circumstances. I tortures you emotionally and all you want to do is give the characters a hug. I believe part of the reason I enjoyed it so much was because it was outside of my comfort zone. Because of this, I went in not knowing what to expect. The synopsis also didn't really explain much to me, so when I dove in head first, I couldn't put it down.

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3. Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner is the best book I have ever read. I read it while I was in High School and it engrossed me. I wanted to be an adult so I was trying to relate to older people, yet I was so inexperienced with life that some of the scenarios seemed more like fantasy. However, now being an adult, I know there is so much truth to many adult themes that are touched on in this book. Losing love, cruelty of strangers and friends, and the kindness of strangers, and relationships blooming in unlikely places. However, this is also a book that relies heavily on the theme that loving yourself is a long road, but everyone can achieve it. I recommend this book to everyone. I also am going to get it in hardback so I can read it time and time again.

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4. PostSecret is a website I was introduced to when I was 18 years old. A friend of mine, whom I met in college, had been reading PostSecret every Sunday since she was 14 years old. I looked it up, began to read, and have been hooked ever since. It was a project that a man started where he offered strangers a chance to send in their secrets anonymously. Every week he posts ten to twenty secrets from people all over the country and all over the world. It offers a beautiful place for you to read and send in your inner most thoughts in a safe space and helps you to relate to people form all over the world.

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5. tudiabetes: Diabetes Forum is a very recent find. And I couldn't be happier that I found it. It is a place where diabetics of all types can come together to make friends, ask for advice, read articles, and just search for support. I have two blog posts on my pages and emails from several people relating to my story, helping me cope, and answering my personal questions. I have really enjoyed it, and I can't wait to continue with it.