Tuesday, February 10, 2015

North Carolina, Self-Worth, and Adoption on My Heart.

So, I wanted to get a little bit more candid with you all about some things that have been on my heart.

As you may know, or not know, I just recently found the church of my dreams. Having a church that I enjoy so much has pushed me to welcome and discover my faith a little bit more than I had been. When church is a place where you (meaning me) open up and cry each week because you are so moved, that means the Lord is speaking right to you, and you have to listen.

It's so important to grow in you faith. The Universe is a huge and amazing place. There is not way that there isn't something out there that is working towards a greater eternity for you. And this doesn't even have to be the religious kind of spirituality. It can simply be the faith you have in karma, coincidences, The Universe, the greater beyond, or whatever it is that you believe.

We all have a faith walk that we all need to pursue. Last night I watched a video on YouTube about this woman who owns a business and creates YouTube and blog content, and to top it all off, she travels the world with her husband and friends. The video was supposed to be about her clothes and travelling back to visit family, but she talked about something that really inspired me.

She spoke about how you always look and see people on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Blogs, etc. and you think, "Wow. They have a perfect life. They really have it together." Comments like this are ones that I find myself saying much more often that I like to admit. A pang of jealousy sneaks it's way into me, and I can't help but feel like I, somehow, can't compete with them. But there is no competition!

This person I am looking at and comparing myself to, they don't have any idea I am doing it. They are posting things about their life and doing their thing. They could be struggling with things that are so much worse than what you may be dealing with. No one is in the same situation as you, and the only person you are hurting by feeling resentful of someone else is you. You are dulling your own light by wishing you were more like someone else. 

So, with all of this, I would like to get to the topic at hand. Something that has been on my heart for a while now, and something that I feel to be very important. Something that will be the basis of my life doing forward.

Since attending church, I have found this push by God to get some things handled. I have two things that have been very much on my heart lately. And by this, I just mean that I find myself thinking about them a lot, and I find that they come up often enough that I am not in a situation of coincidences.

One of those things is North Carolina. I have always been fascinated with The South, I think it's beautiful (well the pictures I have seen anyway)! It has a plethora of small towns to choose from. When this started sitting on my heart, I didn't think much about it. However, it has now been about three years since it first came into my realm of consciousness and I think it is something that I seriously need to research and consider. 

The second item is adoption. I wrote on one of the blog challenge days about how I was to have zero children or four children. I really like kids, but I know that I would want a ton of them, or to be the aunt to all my friends' children. Finding out that I had Type 1 Diabetes changed the way that I looked at potentially having my own children, and it really has pushed me to consider other options besides having my own.

I know there are a million ways that Type 1 Diabetics can have their own children. Diets, Insulin therapy, getting the pump to help with stabilization, and the list goes on. However, and this is where it is controversial to some people, but I don't want to put myself and my child through something that could permanently damage me or them. There are much higher risks involved with a Type 1 Diabetic pregnancy, and instead of the constant worry just to have my "own" child, I think adoption is the way to go for me. And, why not find a child that is in need of a family? There are so many out there.

Going to church moves me every week. I sit there and cry, and sometimes its to the point that I am sobbing. And because of that, I know there is something turning inside me, there is the Spirit moving through me. I am learning to listen to my heart, and not my head all the time. It's a hard thing to do. Like I spoke about before, it is so easy to get caught up in comparing myself to other people, however, what is important is what He thinks of me, and what I think of myself. No one else's opinions matter, no misconstrued images I have of myself matter. What matters is that I am happy and healthy and that I am following my dreams, And following the feelings of you intuition. 

Those feelings, and those reoccurring coincidences are there to tell you something. So listen up.

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