Lent Update and Ramblings.

Good morning!

Seems like all I ever do is ramble on this blog. However, because it's my blog, and I am so new to the game, I haven't found my rhythm yet. So I ramble...

Lent has been going on for 30 days. There are 17 days until Easter. I gave up sweets, alcohol, and Facebook for Lent because those are things that I use to hinder myself from other things that will grow me as a person.

Facebook has been the best one. I have decided that I CANNOT wait for Lent to be over because then I can delete my Facebook and move on with my life. I don't like it at all and I can't wait to do it. It was something I used out of boredom, as well as using it to look at other people with envy, and lust for their lives instead of living my own. It's going to be so wonderful. I cannot wait!

Alcohol is something that I hadn't had for quite a while before Lent started. It has never been a large part of my life, and quite honestly, I took Lent as a way to get out of drinking with my friends. It gives me a tangible reason as to why I don't want to drink. It allows me to use my religion and faith as a proper explanation as to not wanting to partake. I think I will continue this one after Lent. It is something that doesn't give me anything, it doesn't expand my heart or soul or mind or world. It just isn't something I am interested in. I would much rather have a piece of cake, than two cosmopolitans.

Speaking of cake! Let's talk about the finally item on my Lent List: sweets. I had two or three handfuls of M&M's on the Sunday Lent started, as well as a piece of homemade chocolate cake. It was the Academy Award Party, and I couldn't pass it up. However, after that, nothing has crossed my lips that I gave up. I decided to define sweets as anything you can have for dessert. Cookies, donuts, cake, candy, brownies, chocolate, etc. Things that I have used to satisfy my sweet tooth without breaking Lent: small (or LARGE) glass of chocolate milk, graham crackers and milk, YoPlait Banana Cream Pie yogurt, fruit. At a family birthday party, I had a coconut cup with raspberries and dark chocolate, however I decided that didn't count because it was mostly fruit, and I didn't like it so I hardly ate any of it (Sorry Kathy!). So, since I have been doing so well, I think I may just stick it out until my birthday and have my favorite cake in the entire world. And eat the entire cake by myself. The cravings have subsided drastically from what they used to be. I still want things, however, I don't NEED them. Its liberating to not worry about it all the time.

And because I AM diabetic, alcohol and sweets mess with my numbers so much! So it's just best to work towards not worrying about it. And I think I have made some wonderful progress.

That's all I got. I am working towards a new lap top, and I am hoping that if I work towards that, then I will be able to blog more, and better. At least I hope so.

xx

Frustrations.

I find it so frustrating when I need something done, but I don't have the expertise to do it. And I would love to be able to do it on my own, but I am not equipped to. Relying on someone else is just an annoyance! I want it just to be done.

This is coming from work today. I recently got a new computer at work, yet, none of my network access transferred to my new computer. So I am unable to get any work done because of this. And if I knew how to get my access, I would. But I am not equipped to help myself, so I am stuck relying on our IT department to get it all done for me. So, here I sit, with plenty of work to do, and not way to do it. Sigh....

 

However, since I have this time, I thought I would take a moment to talk about things that frustrate me. Everyone has them, and its kind of fun to read about what others find frustrating. It helps me bring mine into perspective.

It frustrates me when people don't take other people into consideration. And with feelings aside, just their time. Like, driving to work. If you are late, just accept that you are late. Don't put my life in danger by speeding up and cutting me off, and don't change lanes and weave in and out of traffic. It's not very considerate. Accept that you are late, be late, and deal with the consequences. It's is probably you're own fault anyway.

There are a million other examples of this one, but this is the one that has most recently affected me.

I don't like when there is something that I want to do, something I would love to do, but I don't know how to do it. This one is a little different than the first option, because this is more of a financial or feeling situation. Let me give an example. I am so frustrated with myself that I don't have the guts to pack up and move, or to take out a loan and open my own store, or to adopt a puppy, or to take a trip across the world. I wish that I could do that, but a little something (feeling, voice, intuition, etc.) keeps me at bay.

Its like to post I wrote before on feeling a sense of claustrophobia. That is how I get sometimes because I ache for something new, a new experience, new surroundings, new things, new people, new experiences. 

I am hoping that this will be a reality, or something that I can remedy at least a little bit.

Thank you for listening to my rant.

Happy Monday.

Get to Know Me: A to Z.

A. Attached or Single?
I am attached.

B. Best Friend?
I have a few, but I think my mom is my most best Best Friend.

C. Cake or Pie?
Both. I love dessert.

D. Day of Choice?
Sundays. Though I don't love the pressure of Monday, I love that you can be lazy on Sundays, you get to go to church, you get chores done, and its also acceptable to be in your pajamas most of the day.

E. Essential Item?
Insulin. Being Type 1 Diabetic and all.

F. Favorite Color?
Green.

G. Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms?
Gummy worms.

H. Hometown?
Portland, OR

I. Indulgences?
Reality Television and YouTube Videos. Oh! And cookie dough.

J. January or July?
I can't decide. January is a fresh start, but July is the summer time.

K. Kids?
None as of yet.

L. Life isn't complete without...
Self discovery.

M. Memory you cherish?
Family beach weeks.

N. Number of Brothers and Sisters?
One brother. I call him Bubby.

O. Oranges or Apples?
Apples.

P. Pet Peeves?
People expecting special treatment for the sake of special treatment.

Q. Quotes?
"He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed." Psalm 107:29

R. Reasons to Smile?
There is always someone out there who wishes their life was as good as yours.

S. Season of Choice?
Autumn

T. Tea or Coffee?
Neither. Milk or Water.

U. Unknown Fact?
Hmm... I hate chipped nail polish more than holes in my clothes.

V. Vegetable of Choice?
Cucumbers

W.Worst Habit?
Picking my cuticles when I am bored or nervous.

X. X-Ray or Ultrasound?
I've had both. Neither for fun reasons.

Y. Your Favorite Trip?
I went on a road trip with my mom and her best friend from Portland to Los Angeles.

Z. Zodiac Sign?
Gemini.

North Carolina, Self-Worth, and Adoption on My Heart.

So, I wanted to get a little bit more candid with you all about some things that have been on my heart.

As you may know, or not know, I just recently found the church of my dreams. Having a church that I enjoy so much has pushed me to welcome and discover my faith a little bit more than I had been. When church is a place where you (meaning me) open up and cry each week because you are so moved, that means the Lord is speaking right to you, and you have to listen.

It's so important to grow in you faith. The Universe is a huge and amazing place. There is not way that there isn't something out there that is working towards a greater eternity for you. And this doesn't even have to be the religious kind of spirituality. It can simply be the faith you have in karma, coincidences, The Universe, the greater beyond, or whatever it is that you believe.

We all have a faith walk that we all need to pursue. Last night I watched a video on YouTube about this woman who owns a business and creates YouTube and blog content, and to top it all off, she travels the world with her husband and friends. The video was supposed to be about her clothes and travelling back to visit family, but she talked about something that really inspired me.

She spoke about how you always look and see people on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Blogs, etc. and you think, "Wow. They have a perfect life. They really have it together." Comments like this are ones that I find myself saying much more often that I like to admit. A pang of jealousy sneaks it's way into me, and I can't help but feel like I, somehow, can't compete with them. But there is no competition!

This person I am looking at and comparing myself to, they don't have any idea I am doing it. They are posting things about their life and doing their thing. They could be struggling with things that are so much worse than what you may be dealing with. No one is in the same situation as you, and the only person you are hurting by feeling resentful of someone else is you. You are dulling your own light by wishing you were more like someone else. 

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So, with all of this, I would like to get to the topic at hand. Something that has been on my heart for a while now, and something that I feel to be very important. Something that will be the basis of my life doing forward.

Since attending church, I have found this push by God to get some things handled. I have two things that have been very much on my heart lately. And by this, I just mean that I find myself thinking about them a lot, and I find that they come up often enough that I am not in a situation of coincidences.

One of those things is North Carolina. I have always been fascinated with The South, I think it's beautiful (well the pictures I have seen anyway)! It has a plethora of small towns to choose from. When this started sitting on my heart, I didn't think much about it. However, it has now been about three years since it first came into my realm of consciousness and I think it is something that I seriously need to research and consider. 

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The second item is adoption. I wrote on one of the blog challenge days about how I was to have zero children or four children. I really like kids, but I know that I would want a ton of them, or to be the aunt to all my friends' children. Finding out that I had Type 1 Diabetes changed the way that I looked at potentially having my own children, and it really has pushed me to consider other options besides having my own.

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I know there are a million ways that Type 1 Diabetics can have their own children. Diets, Insulin therapy, getting the pump to help with stabilization, and the list goes on. However, and this is where it is controversial to some people, but I don't want to put myself and my child through something that could permanently damage me or them. There are much higher risks involved with a Type 1 Diabetic pregnancy, and instead of the constant worry just to have my "own" child, I think adoption is the way to go for me. And, why not find a child that is in need of a family? There are so many out there.

Going to church moves me every week. I sit there and cry, and sometimes its to the point that I am sobbing. And because of that, I know there is something turning inside me, there is the Spirit moving through me. I am learning to listen to my heart, and not my head all the time. It's a hard thing to do. Like I spoke about before, it is so easy to get caught up in comparing myself to other people, however, what is important is what He thinks of me, and what I think of myself. No one else's opinions matter, no misconstrued images I have of myself matter. What matters is that I am happy and healthy and that I am following my dreams, And following the feelings of you intuition. 

Those feelings, and those reoccurring coincidences are there to tell you something. So listen up.

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Sometimes You Need to Write.

There are always times when I feel as though I will just melt if I don't do something drastic. I get a feeling deep in my gut (gut instincts) that I need to do something. Whether that is try something completely new, wear new clothes, move to a new city, start looking for a new job. It is that feeling when you feel like there are a million things that have potential, and you have potential, and you need to do something or you won't be able to breathe.

I am feeling that right now.

I feel as though I can't breathe because I am stuck in the same place, in a routine that doesn't look like it will be changing any time soon. I have a job that is steady, I rent a home with my boyfriend, I have a cat, I have everything I could ever want. But I don't have anything to look forward to. There are little things here and there that I have to look forward to. A painting night with my girlfriends, Valentine's Day, a concert with my boyfriend in July, a friend's wedding in August, a friend's wedding in September. Several things to look forward to, but even with that, I am feel claustrophobic.

My entire life has been about looking forward to things:
Summer vacation
First Day of School
Christmas
Spring Break
My Birthday
High School
Graduating From High School.
Starting College
Studying Abroad
Graduation
Moving to Los Angeles
Moving Home
Finding a Job
Moving in with my Boyfriend
Getting a Pet
Buying a New Sofa

The list could go on and on...

But all of that has lead me to have this overwhelming need to have huge changes in my life. I know that there is a lot to be said about living in the moment, however! There is a lot to be said about living for a moment, an event. It gives you perspective on what you are working so hard for.

A friend of mine just bought a house with her fiance. And the thought of buying a house to settle down in makes me feel like I can't breathe.

Maybe I just have this overwhelming need constantly be changing.

There are these moments when I am feeling this way, and all I want to do is start a blog, read 1,000 books, walk 100 miles, and really just open myself up to all the opportunities that are out there. I hope someday I will accomplish all these things. There is a fire inside of me... but what is it burning for?

I don't know.

I think I need to turn to God and hope that He has some ideas to help me get through my life. I don't turn to him enough. But I want to. Church is really opening me up to all the possibilities that lie in my faith.

I don't want to be one of those people that moves all the time and can't commit to anything because I still want to hang a close group of friends and I still want to find my niche, a place where I know that I will be happy and won't feel claustrophobic. However, I have found it yet.

Blog Challenge: Day 31.

5 Goals for the Next 12 Months

1. Continue to post on this Blog.

2. Continue to work towards a healthy me.

3. Work hard towards a better A1c.

4. Start taking Sign Language.

5. Have a five year plan.

BONUS:

6. Read!

7. Get involved in my church.

Blog Challenge: Day 30.

5 Things You Achieved in the Past Year

1. Found a job and career path that I love.

2. Moved in with my boyfriend.

3. Started this blog (talk about terrifying!) !!

4. Opened up to Friends and Families about my struggles with Diabetes.

5. Applied to take American Sign Language Classes at a local University.

Blog Challenge: Day 29.

How Have You Changed in the Past 5 years?

Five years ago was 2010. There are so many things that have changed since then. I have now graduated from college with a Bachelor's Degree, worked three different jobs, lived in two different states, four different homes/apartments, and four cities.

I have ended one serious relationship, started another, and had a lot of dates in between. I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, my weight has spanned almost 50 pounds, my hair has been every length and color.

I attended beauty school, met several new friends, gained and lost friends along the way.

My dad was diagnosed with a life altering disease. My family and I have gotten closer than ever.

The dog that tops all dogs, my parent's dog Checkers started to suffer so we had to put him down. He died in my arms. There will never be another dog like him.

I would say that, while you're in the changing year and years, you begin to feel as though nothing is changing. However, when you look back over five years, it is mind blowing how many things have changed.

Blog Challenge: Day 28.

5 Pieces of Advice to Your Younger Self

1. Appreciate your body! 

You don't have to love it, but appreciate what you have.

2. It's okay to put yourself first sometimes.

It's not realistic to say always, but it is something that is okay every now and then.

3. Cherish the important family moments.

Put the phone down and watch television with your family.

4. Don't take advice from people who you don't hold in the highest regard.

Just because they are your friends, doesn't always mean they know best.

5. Change your major in college when you thought about it the first time.

Not that I am not happy with where I am, but having a major I am passionate about my have pushed me into a career a little sooner.

Blog Challenge: Day 27.

Things that Inspire You (Pictures)

I always pin on Pinterest. The things I like to pin the most, are things that inspire me.

Check it out!

Visit Beauty in Diabetes's profile on Pinterest.

Blog Challenge: Day 25.

5 Favorite Blogs and Why You Love Them.

1. Hello, Gorgeous!

I love outfit of the day posts. I like to drool over the choices that other people make and wish that I could wear that shirt with those pants, and I also love to look and see where other people shop. She offers all that with affordable pieces, links everything, and gives you several options for alternatives. She's amazing! And she is stunning. Get ready to "ohhh" and "ahhh" over her style choices.

2. House of Rose

Once I found this blog, it has become the one I look forward to the most. When I see that she has posted something, it doesn't matter what it is, I will read it from beginning to end. Her writing style makes you fee l as though you are speaking to her rather than reading along with thousands of other people. She opens herself up to everything and it is so much fun to read.

3.Lauren Conrad

There isn't must to say about it except that there is a little bit of everything.

4. Citrus & Style

This girl is dynamite. She writes short and simple posts about all different things. She is in high school but her posts are always helpful in all stages of life. She talks about organizing for school, which can translate to organizing for my job. She does outfits, fitness, personal, and organizational. I enjoy her so much and find myself wishing I had some of the insight she is privileged to have.

5. Allison Anderson

This one! What can I say? She is my favorite YouTuber. When I found her channel, I am fairly certain I went through every single video she had posted. Then I went and started reading her blog and I just couldn't get enough of her. The writing style she uses and the way she uses photos, and she also don't just link her videos, but does separate posts that go into similar detail. I find myself looking her post and reading them the second I can.  

Blog Challenge: Day 24.

Things You've Made

I tend to, and have dabbled in the art arena. I like to make my own things and have my own art on my own walls. My tastes have changed since I started doing this, but overall, I have really enjoyed it, and wish that I did it more often than I do.

It is my New Year's Resolution to start doing it more. I haven't felt too inspired lately, but sometimes if I sit down, and force myself to do some artwork, I can make some amazing things.

Here are some pictures of some pieces that I have done.

Enjoy.

Blog Challenge: Day 23.

5 People Who Inspire You

1. My mom.
2, My dad.
3. My brother.
4. My Godmother.
5. Myself.

Blog Challenge: Day 22.

What Do You Miss (Person, place, thing or time in your life)

Something that has recently come up for me, is missing how things used to be. I have always been close with my family, extremely close, and because of that I was happy to live at home until I was 26 years old. This isn't something I am ashamed of, or something that I hide from people. I branched out, went to college, moved to Los Angeles for 8 months. However, I was never ready to live on my own because the relationship I had with my parents was so great.

I think there is a lot to be said about all the things that I have left to experience in my life. No one knows what is going to happen in the future, and I know that at some point in the coming years I will miss this moment. But that's part of life. We miss the things that are comfortable and familiar. The future is unknown, so when you think back to how things used to be, it is easy to get nostalgic.

I miss when my brother was little and how we used to play trains all day.

I miss when I used to go to school instead of work and always had something fun to talk about.

I miss my grandparents,

I miss liking things that didn't make me one type of person or another.

I miss summer vacation.

I miss my parent's old dog.

I miss not worrying about so many things.

I miss being a kid.

Blog Challenge: Day 21.

Finish This Story in Under 500 Words:
      The flash of light momentarily blinded him, and he wondered how it had all come to this. 

He was walking on the side of the main road out of town, a backpack on one shoulder, his dog’s leash in another. The headlights of the car turning down the road in front of him seemed brighter than usual. However, it could have just been the dark night and the rain.

“Austin?! Austin Bridges?! I thought that was you. I recognized The General!”

A woman was shouting at him through the window of her car. She rolled it up and got out. She was under dressed in yoga pants and a white hooded sweatshirt, her feet getting soaked in her flip-flops.  She had something in her hand, but he was so confused as to who this was that he didn’t register what it was.

The bright purple umbrella popped up and over his head and hers. She looked into his face, and he looked down at her. She was familiar, but he couldn’t place her. However, he was saved from the embarrassment of having to ask who she was, because she wasn’t looking at him at all. She had put her hand down and was scratching behind The General’s ear (his favorite spot).

She told him to hold the umbrella and, not knowing what else to do, he took it obediently. She crouched down in a catcher’s position and was giving The General her full attention.

While he worked through all the people who could know his dog like this, she looked up and said, “I’m Gracie. I work at the dog hotel you bring The General to. I have never spoken to you, but I see you come and go. This dog loves you so much! And he is all of our favorites. Why are you walking him in the rain?”

All the pieces were clicking together, he had seen her a few times when he dropped The General off at Le Pooch (the name wasn’t his favorite thing in the world, a little too frilly for his giant English Bulldog, but they had the nicest staff and the acreage they sat on was something you dream about). He had never given her much of a thought, except that The General ran to her when he saw her, and he didn’t run.

He thought about what to say to her. The truth? Or a lie? He was too cold, and wet to be creative with a lie, and it would already take The General hours to dry out if they got out of the rain this second.

“Long story, but my parents think I am on a train to North Carolina State. As you can see, we aren’t.”

 

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Blog Challenge: Day 16.

5 Best Things About Being a Woman or Man

1. Women have the freedom of endless wardrobe options.
2. Women experience less pressure when it comes to dating and relationships.
3. Women have extremely close bonds with one another.
4. Women have a longer life expectancy.
5. Women own their feelings.

BuzzFeed: 30 Reasons Being a Woman is Awesome

Blog Challenge: Day 15.

5 Things That Make You Uncomfortable

1. Anything having to do with eyes.

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2. My Strange Addiction on TLC

 

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3. Low Blood Sugar

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4. Asking for special treatment (no matter how necessary it is).

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5. Receiving compliments. 

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Blog Challenge: Day 14.

5 Things You Can’t Live Without

1. Insulin

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2. Books

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3. Naps

 

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4. Cereal

 

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5. Art 

 

 

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Blog Challenge: Day 12.

5 Amazing …(Songs, films, artists, books, websites etc.)

I think that I am going to choose songs.

I have been in the mood to listen to music and have found some really great songs lately.

My style is to repeat until I have worn it out.

I like to listen to songs until I know all the words.

I am going to choose the songs that I can't get enough of as of late.

1. Ghost by Ella Henderson
2. Shut Up and Dance by WALKTHEMOON
3. Heroes by Alesso
4. Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley
5. Down in the Valley by The Head and The Heart

Blog Challege: Day 11.

React to This: Letting Go

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