Thursday, March 19, 2015

Lent Update and Ramblings.

Good morning!

Seems like all I ever do is ramble on this blog. However, because it's my blog, and I am so new to the game, I haven't found my rhythm yet. So I ramble...

Lent has been going on for 30 days. There are 17 days until Easter. I gave up sweets, alcohol, and Facebook for Lent because those are things that I use to hinder myself from other things that will grow me as a person.

Facebook has been the best one. I have decided that I CANNOT wait for Lent to be over because then I can delete my Facebook and move on with my life. I don't like it at all and I can't wait to do it. It was something I used out of boredom, as well as using it to look at other people with envy, and lust for their lives instead of living my own. It's going to be so wonderful. I cannot wait!

Alcohol is something that I hadn't had for quite a while before Lent started. It has never been a large part of my life, and quite honestly, I took Lent as a way to get out of drinking with my friends. It gives me a tangible reason as to why I don't want to drink. It allows me to use my religion and faith as a proper explanation as to not wanting to partake. I think I will continue this one after Lent. It is something that doesn't give me anything, it doesn't expand my heart or soul or mind or world. It just isn't something I am interested in. I would much rather have a piece of cake, than two cosmopolitans.

Speaking of cake! Let's talk about the finally item on my Lent List: sweets. I had two or three handfuls of M&M's on the Sunday Lent started, as well as a piece of homemade chocolate cake. It was the Academy Award Party, and I couldn't pass it up. However, after that, nothing has crossed my lips that I gave up. I decided to define sweets as anything you can have for dessert. Cookies, donuts, cake, candy, brownies, chocolate, etc. Things that I have used to satisfy my sweet tooth without breaking Lent: small (or LARGE) glass of chocolate milk, graham crackers and milk, YoPlait Banana Cream Pie yogurt, fruit. At a family birthday party, I had a coconut cup with raspberries and dark chocolate, however I decided that didn't count because it was mostly fruit, and I didn't like it so I hardly ate any of it (Sorry Kathy!). So, since I have been doing so well, I think I may just stick it out until my birthday and have my favorite cake in the entire world. And eat the entire cake by myself. The cravings have subsided drastically from what they used to be. I still want things, however, I don't NEED them. Its liberating to not worry about it all the time.

And because I AM diabetic, alcohol and sweets mess with my numbers so much! So it's just best to work towards not worrying about it. And I think I have made some wonderful progress.

That's all I got. I am working towards a new lap top, and I am hoping that if I work towards that, then I will be able to blog more, and better. At least I hope so.


Thursday, March 12, 2015


all bugs can be organized into one of three categories: homies, chillers, and haters. hornets and wasps are haters. mosquitoes are haters. most spiders are homies cuz they eat shitty bugs, some spiders are chillers cuz they dont really do anything, but also some spiders are haters because they’ll kill you. learn to tell the difference. bees are homies but they become haters if you fuck with them. most beetles are chillers but if they’re the kind of beetle that flies really fast at your face then they’re haters.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Writing a Book?

Hello Readers!

I haven't written in a while. Boo! And I have missed it. Asking for more responsibility at work means only one thing... You get it! And with that, comes a lot less down time, and exhaustion after work. The only things I have been doing consistently are going to bed early and watching Netflix. Beyond that, I can barely bring myself to want to go to Target after work. Which is weird, because I always, always go to Target. Like once or twice a week...

I digress. Motivation is something that seems to hit the most when you don't have the time to do anything, or, more specifically, the energy (Thank you Diabetes for taking all my energy). I am motivated by SO MUCH! There are so many things I want and would love to do! I just can't seem to grasp the 'thing' that will allow me to jump in head first.

Somethings that hold me back: fear of judgement, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of lacking. These are the things that keep us all from doing what we wish we could do. What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? Let me write you a list! Fear, you suck! But you are also so real.

So I thought I would turn to the blog to ramble. And what do I love the most? Literature. I love reading. It is always my number one thing when asked what I like to do. I could read for 100 hours in a row and love every second. I have been known to lose sleep around a good book, and that's okay with me! I tends to be the one thing that I am willing to lose sleep over (much to my boyfriend's chagrin since he wants to watch movies and eat ice cream until 2am)! 

Well! I want to be the reason someone stays up late at night, the reason someone find courage in a horrible situation, the reason some one laughs out loud, or cries, or changes their goal in life because a book character did. I want to write a book!

Reading all the time, I have developed a little bit of knowledge about what works and what doesn't in a book. For example, if there isn't enough back story, the reader can't connect with the characters, however if there is too much back story, the readers can't connect with the story. How to achieve the perfect balance, not impossible, but not easy. I am not a writer. I love the idea of being a great writer, I love that so many people are good at it, and I really enjoyt that there isn't a limit to writing. You can create your own world, realm, universe and it is solely yours. I have my reality, I have my main character. However, I don't think I have enough yet to make a story. I am just getting to know her. We have only hung out a few times. But I can see us getting deeper and deeper as our relationship blooms.

So, I am hoping this is a great something that I can work towards. I have been in need of a new personal computer, so I believe that is something I will work towards. Right now, I only have my boyfriends desktop computer and I don't like it. He is so generous to let me use it, but it just doesn't feel like mine. I don't think he would snoop, or even cares what I do on there, but I would just feel more comfortable if it were mine.

Okay! Ramblings complete...

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Painting a Rainbow, Step-Stone Path.

I want to inhale books and arrange flowers and write poems and paint murals and make up dances and listen to new music and log ideas in a pretty little notebook and try new lipstick colors and rearrange furniture and talk spirituality and cook something amazing and send happy mail to friends and paint a rainbow step stone path all the way up my driveway. Quoted 

 This lady hit the nail on the head. When I read this sentence, I knew I had to quote it, and read it a million times over. That is how my heart feels some of the time. The universe takes a hold of my spirit and changes the way I see the world. Sometimes it lasts a long time, sometimes it only shows itself when I am alone, and sometimes it's happens for just a brief moment.

But whether its weeks, minutes, or when I am by myself, it makes me want to dance and sing and write in a journal, and read every single book I own, and tell everyone how much I see the beauty in them.

I just had to write and say that I can feel this phase of creativity coming on. And I couldn't have said what it feels like any better.

Saturday, February 21, 2015


Happy Lent!

It's Lent, the 40 days that people who are connected in the church give up something they enjoy. I never understood the reason for Lent until this year. I was privy to the Ash Wednesday Service at my church. This is the first year the church (any church) has explained it in a way that I understood.

Lent is meant for us to give up something in our lives that drives us away from God and Jesus. Something that temps us, and takes away time from prayer and worship. So, with that in mind, I decided to give up three things. 

Two are SUPER easy, and one is EXTREMELY hard.

I have decided to give up Facebook, Alcohol, and Sweets.

To delve into this a little deeper, I need to give some background.

Facebook: I enjoyed Facebook so much when I first joined. It made sense to have a website to connect with other college students. You had to have a college issued email address to access it, and it seemed like something that started off as a way to meet people at your own school, as well as stay connected with friends who were attending other schools. Now, it's just another MySpace. I never have been that big into it. I have tried to love it, I have tried to use it often, but it always loses its luster for me. The prime example of this, is I do not have my birthday listed on my Facebook. I hate that people write 'Happy Birthday' to me because of a notification. I like when people know because they know me. Now, it is just something I use to waste time. I look at other people, envy what they have, compare myself to them, and don't grow as a person when I use it. So I am using Lent as a way to disconnect from the Facebook world. And I love it. What's nice is, I don't miss one thing about Facebook. I don't miss anything from it at all. And I can use Lent as an excuse not to use it. I have already decided that once Lent is over, I will be deleting my Facebook. *Shock* I couldn't be happier about the decision.

Alcohol: I am not a big drinker. I experimented in college with it, but I didn't ever enjoy it too much. And as I have gotten older, the reasons to drinking have dwindled. Being diabetic, it also is so harsh on my blood sugar and I have a hard enough time with that as it is. I tend to be a social drinker. Having a drink with my friends while we are out to dinner, but I never really enjoying it. So I decided, instead of having anxiety around drinking (I have ALWAYS had anxiety around it), I just wanted to give myself a break. And that was an amazing choice. It also gives people a non-negotiable reason why I am not drinking. It allows them to take Lent as something I am committed to. Instead of, when I decline for no "reason", I am faced with, "why?", "just have one!", "I don't want to drink alone." and all the other things people say. I love it. And I think this is also something I would like to continue after Lent.

Sweets: I am a Type 1 Diabetic. Enough said. So sweets can cause a lot of issues to my blood sugar. Not to mention the fact that I LOVE sweets. Instead of keeping it so vague, I decided to narrow it down to a list of things I count in that. Everything else is okay. Included in sweets are: anything that is served primarily as a dessert.. cake, cupcakes, brownies, cookies, rice crispy treats, candy, ice cream, pie, etc. And I should tell you, it was the best decision I ever made. I think that this may be something that I continue after Lent as well. It forces me to enjoy other foods, and other experiences, rather than eating, and not only eating, but eating sugar. That causes my blood sugar to go up, and with that, I tend to be forced deal with the highs. A vicious cycle that I am trying to nip in the bud.

As for the reason for Lent, I have been really enjoying these things not being in my life. I may not pray more, and I may not go to church more, but I have noticed that I am living a more Christian life because I don't have to deal with these temptations any more. And I am so happy I chose these things.

Monday, February 16, 2015


I find it so frustrating when I need something done, but I don't have the expertise to do it. And I would love to be able to do it on my own, but I am not equipped to. Relying on someone else is just an annoyance! I want it just to be done.

This is coming from work today. I recently got a new computer at work, yet, none of my network access transferred to my new computer. So I am unable to get any work done because of this. And if I knew how to get my access, I would. But I am not equipped to help myself, so I am stuck relying on our IT department to get it all done for me. So, here I sit, with plenty of work to do, and not way to do it. Sigh....

However, since I have this time, I thought I would take a moment to talk about things that frustrate me. Everyone has them, and its kind of fun to read about what others find frustrating. It helps me bring mine into perspective.

It frustrates me when people don't take other people into consideration. And with feelings aside, just their time. Like, driving to work. If you are late, just accept that you are late. Don't put my life in danger by speeding up and cutting me off, and don't change lanes and weave in and out of traffic. It's not very considerate. Accept that you are late, be late, and deal with the consequences. It's is probably you're own fault anyway.
There are a million other examples of this one, but this is the one that has most recently affected me.

I don't like when there is something that I want to do, something I would love to do, but I don't know how to do it. This one is a little different than the first option, because this is more of a financial or feeling situation. Let me give an example. I am so frustrated with myself that I don't have the guts to pack up and move, or to take out a loan and open my own store, or to adopt a puppy, or to take a trip across the world. I wish that I could do that, but a little something (feeling, voice, intuition, etc.) keeps me at bay.

Its like to post I wrote before on feeling a sense of claustrophobia. That is how I get sometimes because I ache for something new, a new experience, new surroundings, new things, new people, new experiences.

I am hoping that this will be a reality, or something that I can remedy at least a little bit.

Thank you for listening to my rant.

Happy Monday.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Get to Know Me: A to Z.

A. Attached or Single?
I am attached.

B. Best Friend?
I have a few, but I think my mom is my most best Best Friend.

C. Cake or Pie?
Both. I love dessert.

D. Day of Choice?
Sundays. Though I don't love the pressure of Monday, I love that you can be lazy on Sundays, you get to go to church, you get chores done, and its also acceptable to be in your pajamas most of the day.

E. Essential Item?
Insulin. Being Type 1 Diabetic and all.

F. Favorite Color?

G. Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms?
Gummy worms.

H. Hometown?
Portland, OR

I. Indulgences?
Reality Television and YouTube Videos. Oh! And cookie dough.

J. January or July?
I can't decide. January is a fresh start, but July is the summer time.

K. Kids?
None as of yet.

L. Life isn't complete without...
Self discovery.

M. Memory you cherish?
Family beach weeks.

N. Number of Brothers and Sisters?
One brother. I call him Bubby.

O. Oranges or Apples?

P. Pet Peeves?
People expecting special treatment for the sake of special treatment.

Q. Quotes?
"He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed." Psalm 107:29

R. Reasons to Smile?
There is always someone out there who wishes their life was as good as yours.

S. Season of Choice?

T. Tea or Coffee?
Neither. Milk or Water.

U. Unknown Fact?
Hmm... I hate chipped nail polish more than holes in my clothes.

V. Vegetable of Choice?

W.Worst Habit?
Picking my cuticles when I am bored or nervous.

X. X-Ray or Ultrasound?
I've had both. Neither for fun reasons.

Y. Your Favorite Trip?
I went on a road trip with my mom and her best friend from Portland to Los Angeles.

Z. Zodiac Sign?