My Type 1 Diabetes Breakdown.

I wanted to write a post about this because I am working on my journey, and it is something that will make it more of a challenge for me.

I don't want this to be a medical post, but more emotional and personal.

I was diagnosed with Diabetes on October 25, 2012. I had been feeling physically terrible and emotionally drained. I thought it was just because of some emotional hardships I was dealing with. I couldn't go an entire day without a two-hour nap, and resting or laying down most of the day. I was really sad and hard on myself because I didn't know what my problem was! I couldn't figure out my energy levels and what was making me feel so low. It was hard on my heart and self-esteem.

Looking back on it, I think I was struggling and fighting the battle with Diabetes for a few years before I was actually diagnosed. I was always thirsty and always using the bathroom, I was eating anything, and everything I wanted and maintaining my weight, my ankles were swelling, and when I got sick, I was sick for weeks! It all seemed, to me, to be a coincidence. I went to my family doctor and even saw a specialist for my ankles and I just couldn't get an answer. I was told that it was my age, the ankle swelling was lack of circulation.

So I suffered, and suffered. Well, in October, it got really bad. I was sick and sad and felt like I was slowing losing myself and my health. So I found a doctor in my area, a holistic doctor that had beautiful reviews. She was amazing on paper, I was sold, so I called and made an appointment.

The second I got there I felt better already. They took me back, the nurse had purple hair and tattoos! So the doctor came in and gave me a hug. Done. It was the best I had felt at a doctor in a long time. So she had my blood drawn, we talked about all my other problems and if I was struggling with anything else. Personal, medical, psychological, she wanted me to open up about everything so she could get a sense of me as a whole. I felt so good about going there and speaking to her and I almost felt healed when I left. She hugged me again and I cried knowing I had a doctor who wanted to know what was wrong as much as I did.

The next morning when they got the test results back from my blood, they called me right away and explained that there were some inconsistencies. So I walked over (Yes! I lived close enough to walk!) and they told me that they believed I was diabetic. My blood sugar was 346 (and at the time of the blood draw, I hadn't eaten since the night before)! I had an appointment with an Endocrinologist three days later, and I started the long journey of learning about insulin and carbs, sugars, and proteins. I have gone to see several endocronologists since diagnosis, and I struggle to find one that I like. This is still such an emotional journey for me, I know there are so many things that can go wrong, and it makes it overwhelming.

Now, I think I should get a little medical for a moment so this is better understood. Type I Diabetes is when your body, specifically your pancreas, doesn't produce any insulin at all. Some people are born with this, some people develop it over time, and some people are fine one day and not the next. It all depends. So many factors go into it. I developed it later than most. The older term is "Childhood Diabetes". This differs from Type II Diabetes, which happens later in life and is due to diet and food choices over time. It causes your pancreas to produce insulin irregularly, or only partially enough. Type II Diabetes can be reversed, and Type I Diabetes cannot.

As for blood sugar numbers. Normal people are between 70-120 when fasting, or haven't had anything to eat, and up to 180 when they have eaten. And that is what my blood sugar should be too. However, it takes a little more work than just my body. I have to inject myself four times a day, usually. Sometimes more, if my blood sugar is super high, or if I eat more than three times a day. That's all. The fourth injection is "long acting insulin". That is a different kind of insulin and partners with the short acting insulin to keep my blood sugars stable. Lows are bad, highs are bad, but like anything, it all takes a while to figure out and understand.

Since my diagnosis, I have gone through several stages of grief. It is hard to decide if I am glad that I got it later in life, or I wished I had gotten it sooner so it wouldn't all be so overwhelming. The grass is never greener on the other side. It may seem that way until you get there. 

I am learning every day about my internal struggles with it and gaining knowledge about my own body, how I react to foods, how my numbers change.

There is no secret to the fact that I am more mad than anything that I was cursed with this. I just know that I can either use it as a way to get myself healthy in all aspects, or I can use it as an excuse. I make it a mountain, or I can make it a speed bump. Part of this new year is learning more about my diabetes and focusing on that, rather than all the bad that is comes with. Quite honestly, if I am trying to be objective, it is hard, but it isn't the worst thing. There are so many things that people have to deal with Diabetes seems to be right in the middle: plenty of things in life are better to deal with than T1D, but there is a giant list of things that are so much worse than it too.

I am reclaiming my body, I am hoping to unearth some things about myself, and who knows! This could open doors for me within in the Diabetic community. Maybe this is actually a blessing to use to help everyone else? God works in mysterious ways.

If you have any questions or I need to clarify anything, let me know! I know this is a lot to throw at you. But I thought it was pertinent! I talk about it often, and its very much something I deal with and struggle with every day.

Blog Challenge: Day 3.

Favorite Quotes or Song Lyrics.

This is a challenge day that has my name written ALL OVER IT!

I simply love quotes. I write them down all over the place. I highlight them in books, in my bible. I read quote books and inspirational pins. Songs are just quotes and poems put to a melody. I have listed a few here for you.

 "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5

"Your life only needs to go in one direction: forward. If anything behind you belongs where you are, it will find it's way by catching up." Gentlemanhood.com

  

"Anyone who thinks sunshine is happiness has never danced in the rain." Unknown

"Walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7

"Don't let your mind bully your body." Unknown

"Love will always be a tough job for the wrong person." Gentlemanhood

"Put on your shades 'cuz I'll be dancing in the flames." Lady Gaga Edge of Glory

Blog Challenge: Day 1.

Tell Your Life Story in 300 Words or Less.

I was born June 8^th, 1988.

I still remember what it is like to be an only child.

My brother was born on January 3^rd, 1993.

My mother’s name begins with S.

My father’s name begins with S.

My brother’s name begins with S.

My name begins with L. Go figure.

I attended Kindergarten at a Montessori School.

I spent first grade through fourth grade at a private Catholic School.

I spent fifth through eighth grade at a public school.

I spent high school at a private Catholic School.

I worked in a restaurant during my Junior and Senior year of high school.

I spent college at a public university.

I graduated with a bachelor’s in Liberal Arts.

I have always been close with my parents.

I moved to Los Angeles, CA for 8 months with my best friend.

I’ve worked in retail several times and, although I hate it, I am really good at it.

I went to beauty school to become an esthetician and a make-up artist.

I found out I am Type 1 Diabetic at the age of 24.

I was a nanny for one and half years.

I met the love of my life through a mutual friend.

We are no longer friends with her, but we are still together.

I found a wonderful, full time job with Benefits (necessary with T1D).

I moved in with my boyfriend and we couldn’t be happier.

We got our first Christmas Tree, real Christmas Tree, together this year.

I have recently started building a relationship with God again, and it makes me very emotional.

I love music, movies, ice cream, and grilled cheese sandwiches.

I have been told I am an artist, but I say I’m more of a crafter.

I love to be clean and organized.

Blog Challenge.

Good morning folks!

It is a new year, a new me, and a new blog!

I was trying to think of something I could do to start my blog off strong!

What better way then to work through a 31 day challenge that allows me to talk on several topics and offer a true sense of who I am as a woman, person, heart, soul in this world.

I already posted my introduction but I wanted to dive right in.

When I am excited about things, I need to go full force into it! And blogging feels like something I will really enjoy.

So welcome to my 31 Day Blog Challenge! January has 31 days, so I am going to do a blog post a day for 31 days. Here is a list of days and what I will be writing on! Feel free to link your own blog or any challenges you have done. I am always happy to chat and make new friends.

31 DAY BLOG CHALLENGE (found here):
Day 1: Tell Your Life Story in 300 Words or Less
Day 2: 5 Super Cool Things About Your City or Town
Day 3: Favourite Quotes or Song Lyrics
Day 4: 20 Facts or Things About You
Day 5: 9 Guilty Pleasures
Day 6: 5 Random Acts of Kindness That Inspire You
Day 7: 5 Recommended Reads (These can be books, websites, blogs etc.)
Day 8: Discuss Something You Have Read Online & Link to It
Day 9: Tell Us About An Interesting Documentary You Have Watched
Day 10. Dinner Party Wish List (Anyone dead, alive or fictional )
Day 11: React to This: Letting Go
Day 12: 5 Amazing …(Songs, films, artists, books, websites etc.)
Day 13: 5 Spectacular ….(As above, but choose a different category)
Day 14: 5 Things You Can’t Live Without
Day 15: 5 Things That Make You Uncomfortable
Day 16: 5 Best Things About Being a Woman or Man
Day 17: 5 Film or TV Shows You Would Recommend & Why
Day 18: Something You Find Fascinating
Day 19: Favourite Faery or Folk Tale
Day 20: React to This: Positivity
Day 21: Finish This Story in Under 500 Words:
              The flash of light momentarily blinded him, and he wondered how it had all come to this.
Day 22: What Do You Miss (Person, place, thing or time in your life)
Day 23: 5 People Who Inspire You
Day 24: Things You Made (This can be a craft, piece of art, website, film, music video, song, poem etc.)
Day 25: 5 Favourite Blogs & Why You Love Them
Day 26: Happiness Tips: Spread the Joy Around
Day 27: In Pictures: Things that Inspire You
Day 28: 5 Pieces of Advice to Your Younger Self
Day 29: How You Have Changed in the Past 5 Years
Day 30: 5 Things You Achieved in the Past Year
Day 31: 5 Goals for the Next 12 Months

Welcome.

Diabetes is not a fun condition to deal with. It is hard, complicated, and has no cure.

BUT!!

That doesn't mean that we can't work on making things a little bit better in other areas!

I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in October 2012.

Between then, and now, I have done so many things that are Diabetes related, and so many more wonderful things that have nothing to do with Diabetes.

I felt like this coming year was a great time to start whining blogging about my journey. I have been through a lot, and there are still so many more things to come.

I need to be held more accountable for myself: my health, my heart, and my life. I need to take better care of Lindsey, and put less care in what other people think about me. I am me. I can't apologize for that.

 

 Happiness isn't always a choice. At least, I don't believe so. I think there is a lot to be said for people who make their own happiness. It is hard to be happy in a world such as ours. There are so many things that bring us down; so many negative things that affect us every single day. And, as humans in this world, we are conditioned to look at the negative and dismiss the positive. 

An example I always use: when I get together with my girlfriends and we start talking about our significant others {whether they are girlfriends, husbands, boyfriends, or fiances}, it tends to center around things they have done to wrong us.

"He didn't take out the trash!"

"She left dirty dishes in the sink for 2 days!"

"He hasn't surprised me with flowers in months!"

"He spends so much time on video games!"

And the list continues on and on.

However, when was the last time they we praised the person we share our heart with? It is so much easier to commiserate with our friends about wrongs, and feels so foreign, strange, and sometimes shameful to share all the wonderful things about them.

"He came in after I was asleep, and held me."

"She called to see if she needed to bring home dinner."

"We ate Oreos and shared the milk after we made love."

These are the things we need to share. Spread goodness, hope, and love. It feels so much better to share the good, without sharing the bad.

I have been very guilty of this since I was diagnosed. Having T1D sucks. It isn't a Ferris Wheel of Fun to have to constantly be aware of food, stresses, exercise, environment, the time, supplies, etc. The Diabetic Life isn't something that I would wish on anyone.

HOWEVER!!

Just because it is THE BIGGEST PAIN IN THE REAR END a challenge, doesn't mean it has to be an excuse for me to use at will. It is a very real condition that I am faced with, and it isn't anyone's fault. It is simply something that I need to alter my life style for.

The guilt comes in when I use it as an excuse for things that I should NOT use it for. 

My friends plan something I am not interested in. My blood sugars are too high, I'm not feeling well.

I want to eat something I know I shouldn't. I need to eat because I am diabetic.

Gym time is important. I didn't eat properly and my blood sugars will get weird.

I might as well just claim I am in a vegetable state and can't be bothered with anything.

{Please don't misunderstand! I know these are all legitimate issues that we all, as T1Ds, face. But just because they DO happen, doesn't mean I should use them as an excuse in they AREN'T actually happening. I am the girl who cries Diabetic.}

 

Where is this blog post going? I don't quite know. I am COMPLETELY new to blogging. I think this post is just to get me over the threshold. It start the blog, and then from here, I am make this exactly what I envision. Everything starts out a little awkwardly, and then when we know better, we do better. 

[Maya Angelou paraphrased quote]

My small thing, that I want to do in a great way, is open up my soul, my life, and my journey to you. There isn't a TON of resources. I mean there is a lot of research out there. There is a lot of help out there, dos and don'ts, and things like that, but there isn't a lot of support from diabetics living for diabetics.

ESPECIALLY Type 1. The struggles are real, and my friends don't know what I need, and the support I need. Shoving medical advice in my face, or worse... Hard candy when I am high! **CRINGE**

I appreciate the thought, and I usually just smile and say thank you. But communities of people who know exactly what it means to have a low or a high, or people who love chocolate cake, but never know how to dose insulin for it. Bouncing diets and snacks, and just sharing the highs and lows (literally and figuratively) of Type 1 Diabetes.

 

Isn't this little girl adorable?

And she is so right. 

Diabetes aside (because that always needs a plan.), this is something that people need to do a little bit more. The most pertinent example I have is love. For me, all the cliches about it happening when it happens ended up being true. But it goes with anything. When you want something SO MUCH, you lose sight of everything around you. So, we all need to take a step back sometimes, breath a little, trust the universe, God, yourself, fate, destiny, the stars, and you are more free to see what happens.

 

So with all this ramblings, I would just like to say, WELCOME. I am so glad you are here. I am hoping this will be a place to talk about my diabetes, but also to talk about my life.